how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
