for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
