im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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