her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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