Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
