anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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