maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
