It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
