We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
