There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
