At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize