I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
