im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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