Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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