I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
