I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
