two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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