How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
