My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
