dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
