Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize