That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
