I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
