Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
