i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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