We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
