bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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