I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
