I'm gonna have a badass scar
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Dicks are not precious.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
