Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
