So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
