By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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