Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
