Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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