that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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