We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
