i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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