So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I need to align my fucking chakras
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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