i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
