oh god the rape fog is back!
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
