Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
