I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize