How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
