I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
