absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
