remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
