you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
