My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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