dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
