Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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