Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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