I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
