i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
