My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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