so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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