If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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