What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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