Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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