I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It's just like the Real World with babies
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
