Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
