i just sent this text using only my big toe
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
