Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Randomize
