I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
