I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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