One girl and one boy is just not enough.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
