Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
