How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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